I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I forgot how hot balto sounded
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Randomize
