She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
