My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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