Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
