how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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