i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
