You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize