you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
