Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
