I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
