Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
