So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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