You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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