I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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