Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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