No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
