Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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