I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
