i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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