So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
