oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had sex on a roof
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
