I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize