video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
