so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
