i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize