Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me đ
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now sheâs a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. âHigh maintenance hotâ doesnât even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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