i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
