Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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