i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
