I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
