I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
