From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
