don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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