I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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