glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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