she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
