I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
