you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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