just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
