Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Less talking, more tequila
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
