Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
