If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
