Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
