Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
