if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
