Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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