Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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