I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
