i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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