Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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