U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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