i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize