The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Randomize
