Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
