At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
