I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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