apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
