I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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