SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this just has baby written all over it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize