Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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