I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
