You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
