Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize