Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
high people should be assigned attendants
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
