While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
