she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
