I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
