last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
