***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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