Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
