How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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