how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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