Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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