i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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