i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
