you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
