I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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