Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
