The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
