She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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