just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
