He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you had me at cake vodka
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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