He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
