I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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