I wish my penis had an off switch
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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