they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
