i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
