Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize