One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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