I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Randomize
