My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
