He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
