ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
smell my finger.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
