During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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