4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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