his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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