At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
