the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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