Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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