I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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