8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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