we have pet lesbian snakes
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
