woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize