i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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