If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
